Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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