So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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