Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
