I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
