Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
