So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
