I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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