Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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