Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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