if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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