so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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