Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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