i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
