Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
