In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
