He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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