I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
