3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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