Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
