A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
