How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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