woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
