im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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