It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
