Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
