sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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