Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
