Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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