i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
