I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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