Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
