Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
