Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
