I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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