the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
