I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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