I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
