We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
