i think my mom watched the whole time
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
