oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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