I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think people are normalizing furries
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
