I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
