its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
