Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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