We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
