i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
