glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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