just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
