I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
