I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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