Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
